Assertiveness - How to Counter an Aggressive Boss

Faced with aggression, the sensible response is neither aggression nor acquiescence. By taking an assertive approach, you can win through.

Real life example

I am thinking of a situation I suffered from in my early career. We meet all kinds of people at work and have to find ways of dealing with them.

One of my colleagues was an aggressive individual, who would storm into my office and denounce my guys for some perceived wrong.

As I always believe in the facts, I took away his accusation, found out the details, and in 90% of the situations, there was either nothing wrong, or his own guys had messed up.

However, such were the politics of the company that, though my boss knew what was going on, it was badly affecting my guys. Being right, but later than the confrontation, was the wrong thing to be. Morale was down, and work was affected.

I needed to counter this. So, next time he came, and said his piece, I told him, I don't believe you - prove it. That stopped him in his tracks.

As no-one had ever challenged him, his behavior had become accepted, in spite of it driving a wedge between departments. Suddenly he had to provide the evidence.

That particular event was not comfortable, but guess what - no more bluster.

What I had done was counter his aggressiveness with assertiveness - no shouting back, just a clear statement.

Learning Point

When you find that a colleague or manager lands unfounded accusations, refuse to accept them - he can get the evidence. Defend your guys. When the bluster is over, look for root cause, and sort - nearly always bad communications.

Second Example

To give a different example, I'd like to show how assertive behavior helps everyone.

Once, I had to meet a deadline for my manager, to provide a list of parts for a complex project in two days. I spent till midnight to get that list out, and felt as sense of achievement when handing it over by the deadline. However, that feeling evaporated, as he simply put it to one side and didn't use it for a further three days!

The next time he gave me a deadline, I looked at the task, worked out how long it would take normally, then went back to him with a "counter offer" - I could do it by two days after his deadline, and still do my normal work. Because he knew I met deadlines, he agreed. I won, because I could do the work sensibly and he won because he got his work on time.

Learning Points

i) The culture of setting unrealistic dates then failing to meet them his commonplace. But if people can learn to trust, by setting realistic dates, work gets done on time, morale is high and professionalism enhanced.

ii) Assertiveness means being reasonable, but clear and bold - but know your stuff first! Any instruction can be met with a yes or no, but it is much more constructive to have a counter offer, based on your knowledge of your job.

Yes, but how can I build my self confidence?

The best way to build self confidence is to look for small issues. If you have a small child, for example, try this:

Next time he or she starts pestering you for something (what, your child doesn't? Unbelievable!), try countering it with an alternative - maybe something entirely different. That's a counter proposal!

Then you can build to other situations. If you want to gain general confidence, then I recommend you read through my article on Self Confidence, which gives you ideas on how to boost your self confidence.